Ok. Please stop what you are doing right this second. Now, what I want you to do is super-dooper simple. Think of a sports team. What do you think of? Competing? Players? History? But what I doubt you guys think of is mascots. Today, I will be writing about the best, weirdest, and WORST mascots ever in most sports. ON WITH THE SHOW!!!
Football:
Cool: New England Patriots. Please, Please, PLLLLLEEEEEEEAAAAAAASSSSSSEEEEEE don’t get mad at me for cheering for “cheaters”. It was cold, and the ball just freaking deflated, and the other team was just WAAAAAAYYYY to sensitive. Anyway, I put the Pats on because the name totally makes sense, and the mascot looks sooooooo tough.
Weird:
Stanford. Come on, the tree guy might be popular, but it’s super ridiculous. It’s like if you’re in Harry Potter, and you’re researching bogarts, your fear would turn into tree guy.
WORST:
Pistol Pete. I mean, who WOULDN’T like being a cowboy, but he’s always doing crazy things, and his face is WAAAAAYYYYYY to detailed. If you could record dreams, a dream of Pete would make it onto YouTube.
Basketball:
BEST: Globie. It took me a while to try to see if Globie should be in the “weird or “worst” category, but Globie is HILARIOUS.
He is popular, and is really athletic.
Duke Blue Devil. He can surf. He can dance. He is really athletic. Plus, he is the mascot with the team with the BIGGEST RIVALRY EVERRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Weird: UNC Tar Heels. Look. WHY IS THEIR MASCOT A RAM WHEN UNC’S THE TARHEELS! Plus, he basically has a double, which is basically a duplicate. YOU ONLY NEED ONE, COACH DEAN!
Dallas Mavericks. MavsMan is completely JACKED. He’s always smiling, too. Look, I’m a diehard Mavs fan, but even I can say he should go be a clown in the circus. About thee smiling thing. Suppose the Mavs got smashed by another team. Yay! We lost! We’re horrible and have no chance to win! HOORAY!
Orlando Magic.
Stuff the Magic Dragon, lived by the sea in a land called Orlando-Lee! Old Mohammed Bamba tried to lead the team. But they never won, and Stuff never got his Dreaaaaaammmm! Ok. Seriously. They’re the magic. Shouldn’t their mascot be a wizard?
Baseball:
Great: Boston Red Sox. I know it’s just a sock, but the history behind it is cool. Boston’s called the Sox because the American Army in the Revolutionary War (see 30congdonn post) because they wore long red socks.
Weird:
Philadelphia Phillies.
Phillie Phanatic. He looks like a green blob with shoes. He probably is the reason aliens won’t come to earth. He could look better by rubbing the sand from the diamond on his face.
Well, Athletes, that’s it for now! See you next time!